


What is a Soulmate?

by Want to Stay (Marissaur)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ChanLix, M/M, Soulmate marks, Soulmates, aussies man, happy endings, ok it's is kinda sad, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marissaur/pseuds/Want%20to%20Stay
Summary: Chan was one of thr rare few that has a soulmate. The little sun on his wrist was the evidence. But the world gets in their way. And he's too scared top hold on, he let's Felix go.Even through the pain, no matter what, they still find love.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63
Collections: What is a Soulmate?





	What is a Soulmate?

**Author's Note:**

> Ah I'm starting a little series yay! All oneshots (hopefully). And a good distraction from my markhyuck fic. 
> 
> Which I'm not avoiding. 
> 
> I hope someone likes this one. Let me know. See me on Twitter [@petrichorsun](https://twitter.com/petrichorsun?s=09)
> 
> 💚

_What is a soulmate?_  
_It is the one person who, knew and accepted you. Believed in you before anyone else did or would_.

It was hard. That's an easy way to put it. Years of his life dedicated to a leeching career. But this was what Chan wanted.

Honestly at the beginning he was working so hard, barely sleeping, forgetting to eat. It was easy to pretend. That there wasn't a little sun shining on his wrist. He was one of the few that has one, a soulmate.  
But he didn't ask for one. He thought it would be okay not to have one. Simpler even. Chan didn't want someone who would be dependent on him or to depend on someone else. Is it true when they say trust no one, not even yourself. Chan wanted it simple.

Three mixtapes down. Not one call. Jinyoung liked him enough, when he was in the studio mixing beats, he wasn't as confident about putting him up on stage. Chan needed backup. A group that would convince their boss to take the chance. This wasn't the same as depending on a soulmate. This was teamwork, dedication to the same goal. It was simple. Take a group into a survival show. Those still there at the end were the ones Chan needed. Until it wasn't simple anymore.

Chan's struggle came in the form of a sun kissed boy, with the same glow on his wrist.

As idols, or idols in training, they are taught to conceal, don't tell. Soulmates are taboo. Like a blessing and a curse. Chan had gotten used to the tight leather band around his wrist. Covering it, conceal the little shining mark. It was a gift, he would tell those who ask, from his parents back home. Then came Felix. A deep voice and bright eyes with skill on the floor. Chan wanted him to compete. It felt natural to let the other Australian in. They gave each other small comforts of home. In thick accents and similar taste. And it didn't hurt that Felix gifted him with a small jar of vegemite, to make your toast butter. He had said cheekily. It felt right. Then he saw the glow.  
It was early one morning. Felix obviously wasn't really awake yet. Standing in their dorm's kitchen in a large black t shirt and bright pink boxers. He was in front of the toaster waiting for it to pop, but he hadn't even started it. Chan, had laughed, and went to give the younger a helping hand when he noticed it. A dull yellow glow from a little sun etched into the other's left wrist. A perfect copy to the one covered on his right. Chan felt cold. No wonder it all felt right, they had clicked so quickly. They understood each other more than the others. They were soulmates. Chan turned away without a word.

He thought if he put up some space they could make it work. He never told Felix that he knew. It would make things complicated. If Felix or the other trainees picked on Chan's avoidance they didn't say a thing.

The survival show proved brutal. Chan expected it too. But he wasn't prepared. Most of the boys did ok. They had support. People liked them. But Jinyoung wasn't himself if he didn't put them through the ultimate test. Minho was first. He was arguably their best dancer. Chan had no doubt they would not let him go. He told himself to make sure of that. But then it was Felix. Jinyoung had shown his dislike of the boy's struggle with the Korean language. When he was gone the whole grew larger. Felix had been good at keeping the boys smiling. And Chan tried to tell himself he'd fight for the sunkissed aussie too. But it was also a relief not to have that pressure on him. It was wrong to let someone who meant so much to him go. But Chan was too weak to hold on.

Three years later. Stray Kids had made it. Just seven of them by the time the dust has settled. Minho came back. Felix never did. Woojin decided to leave after debut, he had been vocal about his displeasure of JYPs sacrifice of health for views. And that didn't change much after debut. Chan wasn't all aware of what really happened. But he knew Jinyoung could push too hard, and sometimes things break. And whatever it did break it could never be fixed. It was a chance JYP always took.

They had struggled for awhile. But things got better. Woojin still called every month to check in. Chan fought for some freedoms. So they could sing their own music that they wrote. It got better, Jinyoung left them alone, after years he was confident in Chan's ability. But Jeongin stil missed the bright spot in the maknae line. And Jisung cried sometimes, he beat himself up for letting Felix go.  
Chan kept up on the other Aussie. He didn't want to but he couldn't stop himself from looking the other up. He was a radio host now. His show was pretty popular with the English speaking side of Korea. He has interviews with top groups, and actors alike. He treated everybody equally. He had a unique understanding of having trained, of being so close to debut. And choosing to leave it all behind. Idols like him. Everything was requesting time on his show. But he refused every call for Stray Kids. He sometimes dealt with questions from listeners about his time with the group. He never answered them.

Two years later. Stray Kids was celebrating half a decade. Woojin had come. He pulled them all into big bear hugs. Then began scolding them about eating more and proper sleeping habits. Still the mother bear. Felix declined the invite, Chan had sent it himself hoping it would convince the younger to show up. They were merry and drunk. It was nearing eleven. Woojin was taking good care of a horrible drunk Jeongin. Minho and Jisung were dancing with no music. Changbin was holding onto Seungmin's hand ranting passionately about clouds. Hyunjin was watching them all from the side of the room laughing hard. Chan slipped out. He walked the streets with no destination in mind. Then he heard it. Playing from the speakers of a radio in someone's car. He ran. Down well lit roads. Into the neon signs of the art district. There he was. Just inside a large window. Felix was sitting at his mic. His headphones were down around his neck as he looked to the side taking with someone Chan couldn't see. He could hear the song still playing from speakers on the studio's building. Their song.  
Felix had a small smile on his lips as he turned back to the mic, facing the window. He wasn't looking up. Chan desperately wanted him to. Their little sun still sparkled brightly on that freckled wrist. Felix never cared to cover it up.

" **That was a special song. Given to me by someone very special. It was one of his first songs he wrote for us. I sang it with him because it was perfect. Even if he was told otherwise. The funny thing about special people. You can have so many. But there will always be that one. And you will know them even if you don't have that little mark on your wrist.** " Felix looked up and found Chan's eyes quickly. The hurt was so evident. " **I knew it was you, Chris. Congratulations on five years, soulmate**."

Felix quickly started a new playlist and left the studio. He was gone. He never came back. His show ended soon after. Felix didn't come out. Chan knew he was being pushed away. It hurt so bad. He had done this to Felix. He understood that look in the others eyes.

_And no matter what happens you will always love them, nothing can ever change that._

In the five years since Felix left, he had not answered any calls or text from the members. Cutting them complete was easiest. He couldn't be blind to their success. He avoided any mention of them on his show when possible. Multiple bosangs and Chan even got himself a coveted producer award. He was proud of them, they had been his friends. But he was still hurting. He knew Chan had been avoiding him. He figured Chan knew to and was scared. He didn't Chan would be so scared he'd let him go.

And Felix hated it the most. His heart betrayed him. When ever he saw clips of Chan smiling brightly or doing something stupid but sexy, he felt it skip. Ripping open the wounds again. But Felix could never bring himself to hate Chan no matter how much pain he was in. He knew they would be celebrating soon. He was surprised that Chan specifically wrote him a letter. The guys missed him. And he missed them too but Chan didn't write down the one thing Felix definitely wanted to read. So he had his manager formally deny the invitation.  
That night, that song came up on his phone, shuffled randomly from his library. He had meant so much to him. Chan had written it for Stray Kids as nine. He got Felix to sing the demo with him. He chose Felix to blend with his voice. It was beautiful. Park Jinyoung hated it. It had never released it. At the time Chan had lost faith in himself, but Felix hadn't. Felix played it on a whim. There were only two recordings, his and Chan's, Felix didn't think there would be any harm in playing his. But Felix couldn't listen along as it played, so he talked with his manager. He pulled his headphones back on as the final line played out "I just wanna stay with you, only you," Chan had written that in as they had been recording. He had been feeling so inspired. He remembered how excited Chan had been. How he had wanted Felix to be the first to hear it. Because Felix always liked his music.

He didn't remember why he started talking about him after he played the song. Saying the things he never wanted to tell Chan before. He realized there was no turning back when he looked up. And there was Bang Chan staring right back at him. He couldn't go on working knowing he just confessed on air to the leader of Stray Kids, the hardest working leader in kpop, with him standing right there. He escaped out the back of the studio.

The damage was done; the news was out. Now everyone wanted to ask him questions as much as he was asking them questions.

Is that why you got eliminated?

Did you talk to Chan before leaving?

Why did Chan not fight for you too?

His fans were relentless. They stayed outside his studio hoping to catch him slipping again. It was radio silence from Chan and JYP. Stray Kids was preparing a world tour. Felix didn't know how hard that was. But honestly he didn't know what to expect. He didn't know what he wanted to expect. Days turned into weeks nothing happened.  
The night before the kick off of Stray Kids' third world tour. Felix had been dodging questions all night about it. It had only gotten worse since he said he has always known. Chan stopped wearing that bracelet. He was letting everyone see, they were supposed to be together but they were. And Felix was tired. Everyone believed something. Some thought Felix agreed to leave to limit their distractions. Others thought he was forced to leave because he was the weakest and JYP couldn't afford to lose Chan. And there were still others that said it was Chan that let him go. The closer they got the more it hurt. The truth. JYP asked him to come back at the end of the show. He had a spot in Stray Kids but he didn't take it. He was petty back then. He wanted Chan to hurt like he did. Chan would be the only one to know he turned down the offer. He wanted the older man to know he wasn't giving him a second chance that easily. It had worked so well for five years. But you can't fight yourself forever.

He had tickets. Woojin was coming to get him. They were going to see Stray Kids' 2nd chance world tour. It was the last concert of their third tour in Korea. And Felix finally gave in. With his hair freshly dyed a pastel lavender and let in messy curls he met up with his old hyung. Woojin didn't ask any questions, he just pulled the younger one into his signature hug. In the five year since they have been on that show the two have met up three or four times. But not since his show on the debut anniversary. But Woojin always understood.

"Your freckles got darker" was the only comment needed to break the ice. Felix laughed. Woojin laughed. Everything was ok.

The arena was huge. Felix was proud of them. It was Chan's dream to be on a stage like this. He had made it.

The show started with a bang. It was really great. Felix found himself happier than he thought he'd be. Woojin was screaming along to every song. Crazy fanboy Felix muttered. Earning him an elbow in the ribs.  
The solo stages were next. Hyunjin and Minho always had great chemistry. With or without him. Jeongin and Seungmin killed their ballad to no surprise. They had both grown so much. Han and Changbin fast paced raps were flawless. They were always perfectionists. But they were without the 3 of 3racha. Chan. The lights on the stage dimmed. The crowd got quiet with anticipation. As a soft melody filled the stadium, a spot light found the only man on the stage, sitting at a miniature grand piano. Playing. As the song turned on itself once, than twice, Felix finally recognized it. Their song. Chan had rewritten parts but it was still their song. Felix could still hear the words in his head. But Chan didn't sing a thing. Felix cried. He cried so hard he had to get out. He got up to run away when Chan finally sung, "I really wanted to stay with you. But I was too weak to hold on. But no matter what, I always loved you too." Felix stopped to look back at the stage, at the man that caused him so much pain. And his honest eyes were looking right back at him. Chan one weakness was his eyes they could never hide the truth. Felix had seen it back then when Chan was fighting himself for what he wanted and what he needed. Now there was no fight. He held up his hand, their little glowing sun shone brightly out at the fans. Felix gave Chan a little wave back. Their twin suns sparkled brighter in each other's presence.

" **I'm sorry Felix**." Chan found him first when Woojin brought him backstage. Woojin left them to find the others. " **There's probably nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I really didn't want you to go. I know I hurt you. I ran when you needed me. I didn't stay for you. But if you can, I hope you will someday give me a second chance.** "

" **That's the thing with soulmates. No matter what they do, you will always love them. Nothing can change that**." Felix held his arms out to Chan. Allowing the older to pull him closer to hug him tighter. He was finally home again.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comments make me so happy. And shoutout to my two followers on Twitter. Ha. No one saw this coming. Please come talk to me, let's be friends. 
> 
> Come find me on twitter [@petrichorsun](https://twitter.com/petrichorsun?s=09)
> 
> Go check out my favorite hobby, photography. And if you'd like, [Buy Me A Drink ](https://ko-fi.com/marissaur)


End file.
